I always say that everything in life goes in a circle. There’s a beginning and an end and it’s not a straight line, it’s a circle. I got married in 1965 and was divorced in 1990. In fact divorced after 25 years of marriage. The marriage had been relatively easy going except for a ‘blip’ in 1984 when I was ‘targeted’ by Judith, my office manager.
I fell for it, and left the marital home for 5 months. I won’t say any more about that at this time except that if I could turn the clock back this will be one of the occasions – but I will come back to that later.
And so when my wife told me she had ‘met someone else’ in 1990 I was surprised but not too shocked. Having been there myself I could hardly have been unaccepting of the situation.
In fact my ‘circle’ philosophy helped. Relationships always start and end, sometimes with the death of a partner. These days they don’t normally last that long and they end with divorce but the secret of not letting it screw up the rest of your life is to recognise when the circle is complete.
What also helped is that I had someone that did want me too because the feelings that had been were still there from 1985 – more about that later. That saved me, and helped maintain my self esteem. The loss of that one thing seems to affect a lot of people perhaps just as much as any heartache at the loss of a partner.
How and why Helen saved my self esteem is another story but I will say now that I owe her for that.We could be quits because she owes me – as I am sure she would admit – for a major change in her life when she realised, that because of our affair, she was still capable of love and her marriage to John was dead. When I said we could be quits that’s because I owe her more than that. She did actually change my life in other ways too.
Helen was the first of a few in the nineties (but it started in the eighties) and she was everything I ever dreamed of. As a single man again I found that women were attracted to me and I don’t regret any of it. More on that another time and why Helen changed my life in a truly amazing way.