The OCND

The old cow next door (OCND) got up late today, well lets say 8.30am is late because normally she’d be getting up at 7.00am. How would I know and why would I care? Her lavatory flush that’s how I know. Why would I care? Because it wakes me up. Her bathroom is next to my bedroom and it would seem that most sounds travel both ways through the inadequate walls.

When I first moved here she used to breeze into her bathroom all singing, all dancing. Now, not a peep. Why? I presume because I farted when in bed one morning. She must have thought ‘Shit, if I can hear him farting he can hear ME singing and farting dancing. Since that day she has been as quiet as a mouse – except for the flush which sounds like Niagra on a bad day.

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